


If I Could (It'd Be You)

by JazzKat1213



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, But they're too young to remember so, F/F, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Mutual Pining, POV Alternating, Pre-Canon, You're missing the colour(s) of your soulmates eyes, but really not a lot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-22
Updated: 2020-08-22
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:35:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,984
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26047366
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JazzKat1213/pseuds/JazzKat1213
Summary: “Well if we don’t have soulmates then we’ll just be each other’s.”She says it so simply that Adora doesn’t even question it. It feels like truth, like fact. She feels warmth, but it comes from inside rather than the pipes along the walls. She smiles into the dark.“Okay.”
Relationships: Adora/Catra (She-Ra)
Comments: 10
Kudos: 146





	If I Could (It'd Be You)

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this ages ago and never posted it.

* * *

***Adora***

* * *

Adora has been able to see every colour for as long as she can remember. She’s never known a world without them.

When she was seven she’d walked by two cadets from her barracks on her way to the eating quarter after training. They’d been arguing over something;  
“I’m telling you it’s green.”  
“And I’m telling _you_ it’s grey.”

She didn’t even blink an eye. In her defense she had been distracted by Catra’s small (and adorably fluffy) form ramming into her from the right as she reached the end of the hallway. “What flavour do you think it’s going to be today? I hope it’s the grey kind.”  
“Doubt it.”  
“Race you!” Catra was already down the hallway, but she was slow enough that Adora could catch up easily.

* * *

“Adora what can you see?” 

Shadow Weaver’s clawed hands on her shoulders draw an electric chill into her bones. They’re alone. Selfishly she wishes Catra were here with her, she wouldn’t be so afraid then. But the better part of her knew that having her there would be cruel. Shadow Weaver had never liked her. A concept Adora struggled to understand. But it had been that way since she could remember and she was nine now. She doubts it will ever change.

Shadow Weaver had placed her in front of a row of lights, all different. She doesn’t think there’s anything particularly special about them. She says as much, “I just see colours.”  
“Are any of the lights white or grey or black?”  
“I thought you couldn’t get black light - ‘black is the absence of light’,” she parrots the words back. It was something Shadow Weaver had said to her earlier that year.  
“Answer the question Adora.”  
“No Shadow Weaver. They are all different colours. None are white or grey or black.”

She knows it had been the right thing to say when the smokey tendrils circling the walls retreat into her commanding officer. The likes of whom had her hands folded, white eyes not narrowed menacingly as they so often were. “Very good Adora.”  
“What does it mean?” she looks up at the dark figure with wide, questioning eyes.  
“It means you are stronger than I ever hoped for. I am so proud of you. You may leave.”

That was the first time Shadow Weaver had ever said that; that she was _proud_ of her. It filled her with something like elation, like she could take on the world. Shadow Weaver had said she was strong hadn’t she? If she was strong she could do anything. Strength _is_ everything - strength and power.

She doesn’t understand why that particular test was so important to Shadow Weaver. She’d done much harder tests in the past with far less praise for her efforts. But if she was meant to know, she would have been told. She wouldn’t demand answers. She’s better than that.

* * *

“Catra! Catra I need to tell you something!” She whisper-shouts as she barrels into their barracks, not sparing a glance at the other cadets in the room. Catra’s the only one that really matters anyway.

Over the course of the month, she had since forgotten Shadow Weaver’s unexplained colour test. That is until today when another piece of the puzzle was explained - a puzzle she hadn’t even known existed.

As it was, the kitten was bundled up in the blankets of her own bunk. Yellow and blue eyes she’d always loved looked back at her, wide and curious. A black ear and a chunk of unkempt hair poked out from under dark green. Adora jumps, holding onto the top bunk with only her arms, legs dangling below. Catra giggles.

_‘She’s so cute.’_

Adora is not a stranger to these types of thoughts. They’ve become a regular occurrence as they’ve grown older together. What she finds strange is that she doesn’t think that way about anyone else. She chalks it up to them being _best_ friends rather than just normal friends, and lets it slide.

“What is it?”  
“Okay, okay so,” she climbs up onto Catra’s bunk properly, “Apparently not everyone can see every colour. Most people have one missing until…”  
She lits her voice like she’s not finished, knowing that Catra will sit up and face her properly if she leaves the sentence hanging. She does just that, face intrigued and curious when she poked out from the bed covers. “Until what?”  
“Well, that’s the part I don’t know. But I can see all the colours already. So it must have already happened to me! Can you see all the colours?”  
She realises she probably should’ve asked that first. Slitted eyes widen. “I think so. How do I know?”  
“Well Shadow Weaver made me do a test a month ago. She didn’t tell me but I’m sure that was what it was. I’m sure I can get her to set it up for you as well.”

She notices the way Catra curls into herself when she mentions Shadow Weaver. She doesn’t say anything. Catra mutters a small, “Yeah, okay.”  
Adora hops down from the bunk to get dressed for their next training simulation.  
  


Adora does try to be sneaky and subtle when she starts asking the other cadets whether or not they can see all the colours. She’s a terrible actress. The fool she makes of herself doesn’t feel nearly as bad when Catra laughs quietly from beside her.  
But they’re not the only ones. And in some respect Adora is disappointed. It feels less special when she shared it with others, some part of her felt like she wanted it to be something just for them - her and Catra, Catra and her.

* * *

***Catra***

* * *

“Catra you are here because Adora has asked it of me. I do hope this is not a waste of my time.”  
“Yes Shadow Weaver.” 

Lights in front of her blink on one by one. They’re all different colours, like Adora said they would be. “Now cadet, are any lights white or grey or black?”

_‘Lights can’t be black.’_

She doesn’t say anything at first. It feels too easy to just say ‘no’. Nothing Shadow Weaver has ever done has been this easy, her mind starts whirring trying to figure out where the trick lies. She stares at the row of lights, the rainbow they create. Shadows grip her wrist, no electricity crackling through them yet.

“Well cadet?” is hissed into her over sensitive ears. She’s making Shadow Weaver wait, it’s petty but it feels oddly satisfying.  
“No.”  
“They are all different colours?” She nods. She doesn’t bother to count the seconds between her words and Shadow Weaver’s next ones. It takes an eerily long time. White eyes narrow, shadows still. She’s calculating. Catra is let go. She doesn’t rub at the wrist that was held, scared to move, paralysed by silence. “Well, Catra. Maybe there is hope for you yet.”

It’s the nicest thing she’s ever said to her.

She doesn’t bother to ask what it means. If she didn’t tell Adora, she wouldn’t tell Catra. She simply leaves, heading back the way she came to the eating quarters lighter than she’s ever felt.

* * *

***Adora***

* * *

“Adora I think it is time I explained something to you.” 

She forces herself not to startle at the unexpected sound of her commanding officer as she seeps out of the shadows by the doorway. The response is automatic; she sits up as straight on her bunk as she would stand, saluting until she sees the red wave of dismissal. Even then she stays still, shoulders back. She fights to keep her breathing even as worry starts taking hold - Shadow Weaver hardly ever comes here and when she does...nothing even close to a good memory is left. She is silent, obedient, waiting. 

“There is a reason why you can see all the colours when so many cannot. It is because you do not have a soulmate.”  
Shadow Weaver let’s her sit in the new information. It’s been two years since the test. Her and the other cadets are eleven now, well on their way to becoming good and proper soldiers. She’s never heard of the term before, although she feels as though she should have. Her eyebrows furrow as she searches through the archives in her head.

“I’m sorry Shadow Weaver. I don’t know what a soulmate is.” The word feels right on her tongue, it tastes like she imagines goodness and light would.  
“It is someone’s other half. Two people who make each other whole. And by that extent it is what makes them weak. You prioritize that person above everyone and everything else. So as you can see Adora, by you not having one you are strong. You have no such weakness.”

Adora was not expecting the wave of disappointment to wash over her. It hurts in a way she’s never felt. She doesn’t have a soulmate, she’s...alone. No. No she isn’t. She has Catra, and Catra can see all the colours too. They’re in this together. As long as she has Catra she’ll never be truly alone.

She hopes she’s not smiling when she says, “Neither does Catra.”  
She shouldn’t have said that. Shadows claw at the walls sharply, rocketing closer before pulling back. Shadow Weaver sighs. “Yes but Catra has other flaws that provide weakness. You do not. I know you have an...alliance with her. Do not let it become more than that.” 

She turns to leave, shadows like a train following behind, “And Adora? I trust you to keep this conversation between us. We wouldn’t want anyone else to fall victim to their weakness, knowing will only cause them pain.”  
And that is the end. Shadow Weaver leaves and the topic is never brought up again between them.  
  


“I found out what the colour means.” It’s past lights out, everyone but them seems to be asleep. Catra shuffles closer to her under the blanket, their legs tangled together in the minimal space between. “It means we don’t have soulmates.”  
“Soulmates?”  
“When two people complete each other, they’re soulmates. They’re destined to be together.”  
Catra makes the same face she assumes she made earlier. “I don’t believe in destiny.”  
“I do.”  
“That’s because you’re a dummy, dummy.”  
“Hey!”

Catra tackles her back to the bed, releasing them from their blanket hideaway, but she doesn’t stay, rolling off to the side. It’s okay though, Adora thinks, because she’s still got Catra by her side. They stare at the ribbed metal above. Neither even thinks about sleeping. Adora looks at Catra, at the way her split eyes glow in the dark like jewels. She wants to hold her, but she wouldn’t dare. They aren’t allowed and there’s only so much the night time could hide.

“Well if we don’t have soulmates then we’ll just be each other’s.”  
She says it so simply that Adora doesn’t even question it. It feels like truth, like fact. She feels warmth, but it comes from inside rather than the pipes along the walls. She smiles into the dark. “Okay.”  
It’s hard to hear but Adora can feel Catra purring, the vibrations dulled in fabric. She mourns the loss of it as Catra curls at the foot of the bed.

* * *

The next year Adora begins to hear whispers about soulmates. Cadets would talk in the privacy of the barracks but seemed to clam up whenever she came close. She doesn’t understand how they could know. Older cadets had told them perhaps? It doesn’t really matter. But she worries for them. They weren’t supposed to know. She took what Shadow Weaver had said to heart.

_‘You always do Adora, don’t you?’_

The voice in her head sounds like Catra. She shakes it away. Soulmates are a weakness, they only cause pain, knowing is a burden. She _knows_ this. Her chest pangs uncomfortably. Maybe somewhere deep down she wants the things she knows to be a lie.

But the whispers don’t stop and that gnawing anxiety grows. What if someone had found a soulmate and something bad had happened? What if they’d gotten hurt? She ignores the wanting to know for a long time, always too scared to ask.  
  


“It’s because you’re Shadow Weaver’s favourite. If anyone did find their soulmate you’d report it back to her and they’d get in trouble.”  
“I wouldn’t tell!”  
Catra raises an eyebrow, “You wouldn’t? Miss goody-two-shoes Adora wouldn’t tell.”  
Adora is surprised by how affected she is by that. Of all people she didn’t think _Catra_ would think of her like that. “No. I wouldn’t. Not about that.” It’s a middle ground because although she doesn’t like it Catra has a point, she probably would go to Shadow Weaver. But the soulmates thing it...confuses her, upsets her even sometimes.

That upset must show on her face because Catra scoots closer where they sit on a precarious ledge high above their barracks. “I - I don’t know what I believe about soulmates. But I -“ she doesn’t want to admit it. She hates to think what Shadow Weaver would say if she knew, her whole body goes cold at the thought. “If I could have a soulmate I would want one.”

Catra goes quiet, limbs softening where Adora can feel them. Catra knows how vulnerable she’s being, that’s obvious, she’s going against what Shadow Weaver wants for her. It’s not something she does often. It feels like failure.

* * *

***Catra***

* * *

_‘If I could have a soulmate I would want it to be you.’_

The thought rises sharply, cutting cleanly through anything else that might be swimming around in her head. The weight of it hits like a punch to the stomach, almost enough to make her cry.

“I wouldn’t tell.” Adora repeats, sounding almost...defeated. She’s never heard Adora sound that way and it threatens to break something inside of her.

_‘Your fault.’_

She sighs, leaning against Adora’s shoulder, reveling silently in the way Adora’s breath hitches. “I know you wouldn’t.”  
Adora’s sighs into her hair and it makes her ear flick, she feels like her heart might burst with the light laugh Adora lets loose. It has her spending the rest of their time up there choking down a purr.

* * *

By the time they’re thirteen all mentions of soulmates are strictly prohibited by Shadow Weaver, who has since caught on to the whispers within the squadron. “I will hear no more talk of such nonsense. It is a childish concept unbefitting of future soldiers.”

For the next few days everyone is uneasy. Everyone except Adora, she acts the same as always. She’s not sure why it bothers her so much; it’s not like anything that monumental has happened. And yet there’s a lingering wrongness settled over the squadron.

“You’ve been acting strange,” Adora tells her.

Catra gets defensive, she knows she doesn’t hide it well. Ears going flat and arms crossing, to anyone else she’d snarl and strike, but it’s Adora. And instead all she wants to do is pull away, but Adora never lets her pull away, not fully. No matter how loudly she hisses. Still, she denies this discomfort that sits strange inside her.

“No I haven’t.” Adora crosses her arms in turn, giving Catra a look that blatantly reads _‘you’re full of shit.’_ “It’s not about anything important if that’s what you’re thinking.”  
“If it wasn’t important it wouldn’t be making you act so strange.”

Catra turns away from her sharply, tail flicking like a whip. Adora reaches, though she can’t see it, warm fingers gripping onto a lifeless hand. It makes her chest ache in a way that’s becoming more and more frequent. She hates it. 

She doesn’t tear away but she also doesn’t turn or hold on. “Haven’t you noticed everyone behaving strangely Adora?”  
“No, not really... Well maybe a little. I haven’t really been paying attention to them.”

_‘She’s only been looking at you.’_

That little voice of delusion pipes up. She squashes it down, it’s been getting louder these days. She doesn’t want to know what it means.

She sighs, “Adora it’s about the soulmates thing.”  
Per the new rules she shouldn’t even say it’s name, Shadow Weaver would probably hear her, punish her for rule breaking. She stares at a patch of shadow on the floor as if daring it to say something or move. It doesn’t do either.

“What? That we’re not supposed to talk about it?”  
She turns back to Adora, golden, perfect but _oblivious_ Adora. “Everyone’s just a little on edge because of it, y’know. It was fun to talk about.” 

Not that they actually talked about it with her, no, she would just eavesdrop from rafters and behind doors, pretending to be included. It made her feel a little better knowing that there were some things even Adora wasn’t privy to. And Adora looks...oddly sad. Disappointed even.

“Oh. Well I guess that’s understandable. It’s probably more fun to talk about when you have one.”

The ache in Catras chest roars loudly. Gods she just wants to wrap Adora in her arms, tear the pain away from her face. But Catra knows the feeling. That deeply rooted longing to have what the others have, even if it is a supposed weakness; Catra’s never thought of it like that. To have someone loyal to you forever, to be a team, a perfectly united force. It sounds amazing. 

So she does what she can, squeezing Adora’s hand back and giving her a soft smile that says _‘I know’_. And then it feels too vulnerable. This softness and understanding usually reserved for the deepest blackness of night feels raw and exposing in daylight as it filters through foggy glass. 

She pulls her hand away much slower than she ought to, not missing Adora’s small, quick frown. She lightly punches Adora’s shoulder instead, desperate to ease the tension. “Come on. We have places to be.”

They never speak of soulmates again.

**Author's Note:**

> I have no idea if I'll continue this, but there are scenes I've written. If I were to add onto this I'd do each episode as a chapter (it'd be an excuse to watch the series again.) Anyway I guess just let me know if you're interested.


End file.
